Four Drunkards and a Damsel

It was Saturday 17th April 2010. I had gone to Saki-Vihar club with my friends. Avik, Niket, Sanif and me….. It was an awesome place…. We were having Royal Stag third round… Actually any place where you can drink and behave immaturely is awesome for us.

Then a girl in black short slutty dress entered. She is so hard so describe. Those wet black eyes. That beautiful face... That perfectly drafted nose with flawless bright pink lips… A milky white complexion…. She was definitely out of our league…. The moonlight reflected her perfectly sculpted body. She must be some Goddess I thought or Devil. I just couldn’t look beyond her face. It was strange, as it has never happened that way. She was sipping melon juice and looking at the door. Must be waiting for someone… how on earth can men leave such a beauty alone?

When we saw her, three of us fell in love with her and Sanif fell from the table. I said in a Gabber Singh voice “CHAR LADKE… EK LADKI… BAHUT NA INSAFI HAI…” Niket replied “ha-ha… as if you were alone u would do something…” The debate started and we ended up deciding that though getting her was like scoring 100 on 100 in mechanics but nevertheless we will try. Especially when you are drunk you take it seriously that “EVEN IMPOSSIBLE SAYS I M POSSIBLE”.

Sanif is a Daring guy and he has been carrying the caps since 17… the same one…. May be they are expired now… (He has always been optimistic at the same time unlucky) He is always broke and had already announced that day that he has forgot the wallet at home.

Niket is a gamer-scientist-type of guy… he produces electricity from urine, wins all competition of robotics as well as programming, swears of Einstein and Newton, claims to understand matrix. He argues with sir on issues like how can 1/infinity be zero and co-efficient of friction cannot actually be a co-efficient.

Avik is the most good-looking, smart, somewhat experienced (in chicks) and rich among us. He paid for us most of the times. He was like a love guru for us … but he wasn’t that smart either… ‘It is only theory of relativity’ as Niket used to put it.

I am the one with whom girls would never object on a night out. Not that they I had such a great image… they thought I was gay. I had neither of the characteristics of my friends but I used to copy their lines and marrow on chickylets and impressofy them !!!! (never worked though). Now it was time to decide who will be the first to try… I said I would be the first one... since if anyone of you try before me and get going… I won’t even have a chance to try…I was so wrong…

I went to her…looking confident but didn’t know what to saw… but I was moving towards her with three royal stags down and BAD DHAVAL (that’s what I call my potential for doing evil)
I said “hi… … right!”
She said “ya… and who are you?? Harman Baweja??”
“Sorry! I didn’t get you…”
“but I get you… I suggest you to go back to your seat… ”
“Thank you”.


I was done… I was hurt (I had the right. she called me Harman Baweja yaar). Out of league… It couldn’t have been worse… I need a large now… I came back to my seat.
I hoped the case with other three of my friends will be worse if not worse… otherwise I will have issues with myself!! All the three looked at me. I said “Whhhat??” Avik was a bit apprehensive about his smartness now but he couldn’t back off since we all were looking at him.

Avik went there and said “hi… there. I would like to apologize for my friend Dhaval. He is not able to handle drink… ”. Smart ass. I feel used.
She said “And what about you…”
“I am Avik… what’s your name?”
“I didn’t ask your name… I was asking are you able to handle the drink? Or you are same as your stupid friend.”
“Good one”
“So…” (With an irritated look)
“Nothing… just came for that… are you waiting for someone?”
“How does that bother you?”
“Oh nothing… Sorry… nice talking to you …”

He came back and said “She told me that she is waiting for her boy friend otherwise I would have got her u know!!”
Sanif replied “Ya. And pigs will fly and we believe you!”
He said “At least I talked to her more than Dhaval…”
Niket replied “So you thought it was a competition of who talks to her for more time?”
I thanked Niket in imagination.

It was time for Niket. He was the most drunk of us all. He walked like a combination of tortoise and snake towards her.
And said “Looking at you, the creationists may have a point after all.”
“What?”
“Did you know that if oysters had no natural enemies, in 10 years the world would be 28 miles deep in oysters?”
“What is your problem? What do you want?”
“You have nicer legs than an isosceles right triangle!! I mean how can I know a hundred digits of pi, but not the 10 digits of your phone number?”
“What?”
“The point is every time I see you, I over clock my processor and my cardiovascular system gets all worked up and I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.”
She Replied “What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the ONE.”
They continued their scientific conversation four about 20 minutes and they left for some place. As Niket later told us, there was a biochemical reaction between them which led them to coitus later that night.

We are still not sure how all this happened. Sanif didn’t get a chance and still had his stuff unused. But for a change he has started studying Quantum Physics and Trigonometry.


Moral of the story: Education helps. Study.

Mumbai to Ahmedabad....

I caught the train. Seat number 43. It’s a SL class upper berth. Alas not a window seat. I saw some white guy sleeping on the upper berth opposite mine. I could see him only from back. He may be a foreigner or suffering from Leukoderma, the later being non contagious. I don’t know why, I looked at him many times….I was acting strange. Normally I do such things only for chicks and I hoped I wasn’t turning gay.

Then I went to my upper berth exactly opposite to his (seat no. 46) and you guessed it wrong… I went to sleep. I remember some excerpts of my dreams including being April fooled (it was 1st April) in all ways and doing Salsa with the guy sleeping opposite me. I got calls from guys and girls who were either tricked or not by my April fool messages. (7 out of 11 got tricked... not bad ...No?). I couldn’t sleep anymore since I am not the master of my own bladder. The guy opposite me was not there anymore. I looked down and saw him… he was a foreign body reading something. Then I went to empty myself and came back and sat next to him.

I was reading “life after death” by Deepak Chopra (no relation to Aditya Chopra) and was reading “The Tibetan way of living and dying” (not on Chinese government). Damn, his book was thicker than mine. After 2 minutes, 9 seconds and 87 milliseconds of reading, he saw my book and smiled.

He said (for the first time to me) “I am reading a book on a similar theme.”
I said “I know I saw yours.” And to myself ‘since I am Indian’.
He asked if I have read the book he was reading. I said I hadn’t.
I asked him has he read any other book on similar theme. He said he had read “Many Masters Many Lives”. I said I have read that one too. Then I told him that I was curious to know about the different planes of afterlife mentioned in “Many Masters Many Lives” and so I was reading “Life after Death”. I also told him about another book on similar theme “Coming Back” and the similarities in the concept of all the three. He gave his point on his book and that added to four books from four different (great) people from different background stating unscientific stuff which showed consistency to a great extent. I mentioned him that “It was like the people were stating the SIDE VIEW, TOP VIEW and FRONT VIEW and if we combine them, it is possible to get an ISOMETRIC VIEW.”

He seemed impressed by my analysis. I asked his name. Handshake: Cory Goldberg…. Dhaval Trivedi. “Are you Raven’s Bother by any chance?” I thought. Thank god I didn’t ask….

(BACKGROUND MUSIC: “Chai chai chai bolo chai chai. Chai chai chai bolo chai chai Chai chai chai bolo.”)
He asked for a tea. He asked if I would like to have. I said yes. I put my hands in the pocket. He said “no… let me pay…”

Then while I was sipping tea (without noise to save India), I asked him if he is a tourist. He said he wasn’t… and he worked in India in bollywood and also as a photographer in elite marriages and he was on the way to some palace in Jaipur where he was going as a photographer of a marriage. Now when the word bollywood came, my eyes opened wide and I told him how big a movie buff I am. I asked him which films he has worked in? the ones I remember he said were ‘VEER’, ‘MY NAME IS KHAN’, ‘GUZAARISH’(yet to release), ‘CROOKED’(yet to release), ‘KANK’, Advertisement of ‘incredible India’, etc. he had recently shot a scene for CROOKED with “Abhishek” in a car. He shouted at “Shahruck” in MNIK and was killed by Some Indian in VEER.

He said he wasn’t interested in Bollywood at all and he was doing it just for money. But he liked India. He had done his graduation in photography and was interested in it so he found some jobs in that area too but bollywood payments are more and regular so I worked for movies.

He said that there is a dearth of foreign extras and wherever he went he would meet with the same foreign extras and it was easy for them to find work here… infact no need to find …. The work finds them…

He also pointed out that crores of Rs is wasted in any of the films at large. He gave an example that for KANK, He and about 10 of his fellow mates were trained for acting to play musical instruments for 15 days and at the end of the day it was scrapped and idea was dropped. Sets are made extensively and only a part of it is used and also sometimes the whole of it is wasted if it is cut down in editing.

He pointed out a recent shoot of ‘Guzaarish’ in which ‘Sanjay Leela Bhansali’ shouted and panicked for hours to fix a background full of candle which wasn’t even fully going to come on camera but to get the feel. He referred to SLB as a person who is mentally unstable or acts so. I have seen ‘Sawariya’ and so I couldn’t agree more.

We talked for hours... I told him about myself… I joked him that may be he was an Indian in the previous birth and so he feels so attached to India and wants to stay here in spite of a bad job, poor roads, family away, etc.

He said ‘YES I KNOW THAT’ seriously.
I was stunned.

The station came. I had to get down. I didn’t want to. But, I had to.
May be I had some relation with him in my previous birth. Seriously.