Four Drunkards and a Damsel

It was Saturday 17th April 2010. I had gone to Saki-Vihar club with my friends. Avik, Niket, Sanif and me….. It was an awesome place…. We were having Royal Stag third round… Actually any place where you can drink and behave immaturely is awesome for us.

Then a girl in black short slutty dress entered. She is so hard so describe. Those wet black eyes. That beautiful face... That perfectly drafted nose with flawless bright pink lips… A milky white complexion…. She was definitely out of our league…. The moonlight reflected her perfectly sculpted body. She must be some Goddess I thought or Devil. I just couldn’t look beyond her face. It was strange, as it has never happened that way. She was sipping melon juice and looking at the door. Must be waiting for someone… how on earth can men leave such a beauty alone?

When we saw her, three of us fell in love with her and Sanif fell from the table. I said in a Gabber Singh voice “CHAR LADKE… EK LADKI… BAHUT NA INSAFI HAI…” Niket replied “ha-ha… as if you were alone u would do something…” The debate started and we ended up deciding that though getting her was like scoring 100 on 100 in mechanics but nevertheless we will try. Especially when you are drunk you take it seriously that “EVEN IMPOSSIBLE SAYS I M POSSIBLE”.

Sanif is a Daring guy and he has been carrying the caps since 17… the same one…. May be they are expired now… (He has always been optimistic at the same time unlucky) He is always broke and had already announced that day that he has forgot the wallet at home.

Niket is a gamer-scientist-type of guy… he produces electricity from urine, wins all competition of robotics as well as programming, swears of Einstein and Newton, claims to understand matrix. He argues with sir on issues like how can 1/infinity be zero and co-efficient of friction cannot actually be a co-efficient.

Avik is the most good-looking, smart, somewhat experienced (in chicks) and rich among us. He paid for us most of the times. He was like a love guru for us … but he wasn’t that smart either… ‘It is only theory of relativity’ as Niket used to put it.

I am the one with whom girls would never object on a night out. Not that they I had such a great image… they thought I was gay. I had neither of the characteristics of my friends but I used to copy their lines and marrow on chickylets and impressofy them !!!! (never worked though). Now it was time to decide who will be the first to try… I said I would be the first one... since if anyone of you try before me and get going… I won’t even have a chance to try…I was so wrong…

I went to her…looking confident but didn’t know what to saw… but I was moving towards her with three royal stags down and BAD DHAVAL (that’s what I call my potential for doing evil)
I said “hi… … right!”
She said “ya… and who are you?? Harman Baweja??”
“Sorry! I didn’t get you…”
“but I get you… I suggest you to go back to your seat… ”
“Thank you”.


I was done… I was hurt (I had the right. she called me Harman Baweja yaar). Out of league… It couldn’t have been worse… I need a large now… I came back to my seat.
I hoped the case with other three of my friends will be worse if not worse… otherwise I will have issues with myself!! All the three looked at me. I said “Whhhat??” Avik was a bit apprehensive about his smartness now but he couldn’t back off since we all were looking at him.

Avik went there and said “hi… there. I would like to apologize for my friend Dhaval. He is not able to handle drink… ”. Smart ass. I feel used.
She said “And what about you…”
“I am Avik… what’s your name?”
“I didn’t ask your name… I was asking are you able to handle the drink? Or you are same as your stupid friend.”
“Good one”
“So…” (With an irritated look)
“Nothing… just came for that… are you waiting for someone?”
“How does that bother you?”
“Oh nothing… Sorry… nice talking to you …”

He came back and said “She told me that she is waiting for her boy friend otherwise I would have got her u know!!”
Sanif replied “Ya. And pigs will fly and we believe you!”
He said “At least I talked to her more than Dhaval…”
Niket replied “So you thought it was a competition of who talks to her for more time?”
I thanked Niket in imagination.

It was time for Niket. He was the most drunk of us all. He walked like a combination of tortoise and snake towards her.
And said “Looking at you, the creationists may have a point after all.”
“What?”
“Did you know that if oysters had no natural enemies, in 10 years the world would be 28 miles deep in oysters?”
“What is your problem? What do you want?”
“You have nicer legs than an isosceles right triangle!! I mean how can I know a hundred digits of pi, but not the 10 digits of your phone number?”
“What?”
“The point is every time I see you, I over clock my processor and my cardiovascular system gets all worked up and I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.”
She Replied “What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the ONE.”
They continued their scientific conversation four about 20 minutes and they left for some place. As Niket later told us, there was a biochemical reaction between them which led them to coitus later that night.

We are still not sure how all this happened. Sanif didn’t get a chance and still had his stuff unused. But for a change he has started studying Quantum Physics and Trigonometry.


Moral of the story: Education helps. Study.